Relatives: 11 April 2021

 17:05

My mom is talking with my masi. They are talking about me that how messy I am, I do not do any work, I have not completed my MSc. I am not able to do anything. Yes somewhat things are true, but not 100%. I am not able to do physical work, but if they told me to I try my best to do it. Then my mom claims to me that I open up the personal life in front of others. She is doing it, it's totally fine. I understand she is frustrated and she is telling others. 

19:27

I am alone in my room. Trying to learn cloud computing which I know that I won't be able to complete by any means. Also, want someone to talk to. The one whom I can like. I cannot contact the person, because the person is busy in their life. I badly want to talk with the person. Instead, I can talk to anyone but they will also not understand. I don't know exactly what my problem is. I know that I won't be able to get any person who can exactly understand and feel my condition which though is quite good in terms of many ways like financially, physically but mentally mostly I stay not well due to sadness, lonely, want a person especially female with whom I can freely get attached and can share everything. Because this has been my problem since the 11th grade in the school. I got attached with the person. The person stays very nice, do efforts, care for you but for some time only then they have got their own priorities which I understand. But I badly got attached to them getting hurt almost every second. I know that nothing can be done by anyone except me. But still, I don't know I try my best to be busy with what I have and not to get hurt but it stays and I get disturbed about why the person is not contacting me. What the person must be doing? Definitely, it's their life, but still, I kept thinking about them which is wrong only for me. My parents have quite well supported me during my whole life. But they can't understand this problem. Because they might not have felt this and more importantly this is nonsense for them.

I am happy with what I have.

My life is good.

I have a house to live in.

I have a car to roam.

I have a fancy bicycle.

I have a TV.

I have a laptop.

I have internet.

I have Wifi.

I have hands.

I have a bachelors degree.

I have a Youtube Channel.

I have 1000 followers on Instagram.

I am doing Masters in the UK.

19:48

Honestly, I am not able to understand the problem. If I need anyone. If I want a better lifestyle than what I have which is quite good. What exactly do I need?