company, family, brother, movies, real life,

 I did my thing and called for the person for checking up regarding one of the company tasks. I feel bad for calling them at the wrong time, don't know why. Right now I was watching a movie with my brother and mother but there happened an incident where mom scolded me for not talking in the right way with my elder brother.  My intention is not there always wrong but it got misspoken thus the situation occurred. God, please give me the strength to be always calm and peaceful in front of everyone thus avoiding any conflict always. I did not realise may be wrong but hopefully will make it. The movie just blew my mind, it is just out of the box thinking. Sometimes we forget the difference between movies and real life. Many times the movie is made from real life.

I am watching YouTubers, gamers, bloggers and the way they are caputiring their moments in a video. I also want to do the same in a way for me watching it later at a stage and getting satisfied how far I have came through just like the way right now. Also yes fame is the one thing that I am also looking for but instead or as a bigger picture main thing is money so that we could get everything that we want. The life can be made better by automating few things in the background. I don't know what exactly I want but I want to do something good after making sure that I provide my family with luxurious amenities, etc.

Everytime if younger does some thing then they are being called for misbehaviour. I don't know if it is correct or not. Yes definitely it is incorrect in terms of life experience but many times I have observed is that some new points might be covered that all are unaware of in that case the idea should be welcomed. We should accept it in a way that everyone are being satisfied. Now I am feeling guilty for telling dad about many things even though my intention are good. So now I am not able to understand what shall be done? Currently I am at a point where I just want to be at home enjoying peacefully but my parents and brother want to go out for one day picnic somewhere or just roam around which I do not like at all. I am not able to understand how to cope with things. Today I discussed a lot with my mother where many things were said, now I am afraid that how they may take it up in their mind and get hurting resulting in many consequences. Now I am thinking that instead I should keep my own business and help in the house for some time, that should be adequate. Because whenever I try to get involved in a way results in some statement hurting anyone and making environment around bad. There is many confusion in my mind. Confusion is there in the mind related to company's work. Sometimes how to handle it. Later I need to drop that mind and get busy in occupied with the videos, etc. so that it does not deteriorates my mental health. That is one of the solution for me which I have discovered. I am looking for my final destination where I want to go but the path is difficult. I am sure that I will achieve it one day but not sure about my surrounding which I want to be nice and good as per my ideal thinking. Sometimes it feels like I want to control my surroundings, environment which in a way is not good, but it is what it is. I want that from my person on whom I can be dependent. Now for example I am writing many things but it in a way could not be understood by any person easily. I only know that what exactly I meant. I am so obsessed with my work what I do. I got to thinking right now and it seems like I am eating but got up for checking the message or status. I am not sure if it is correct or not. Also there are people who work in a fix time zone only. Other than that they will not be opening or working any more. I work smartly in a way but still I gave so much of efforts but I keep concerning about my performance or work that if I do less in a day then I don't know why it happens with me.