30 Dec 2020

02:00

Don't know why but the night is tough. Need to sleep but cat sleep. Overthinking has hit hard. The mind gets to that one thing. It repeatedly keeps playing in the mind. Memories hit hard. Don't know what to do. Feels like no one to discuss with. A person who makes feel special has changed. Though the family loves me but don't know why it still feels empty. Mind need someone to take out the things stored within. No games, series, episodes nothing is working out. Doesn't feel to do anything. It is night so you can't go out or do a workout or anything. So that getting physically active can change your mind. What can be done?

08:00

The night was tough. Didn't slept properly. Overthinking was at high. Waking up was ok. Still, my mind is stuck on the things. That one person, I know their life and my life is different. But now my mind will start playing sweet memories of how the person was showing love towards me. Now I don't have that person anymore. Want to text, call, meet. The social norms don't allow. Don't know what to do. I Will call after completing the morning routine and want to clear the things. But these things are nonsense for anyone. Yesterday also I tried to discuss it with my brother, but as usual, he gets angry and tells me to stop this nonsense. But this thing hits hard on its own don't know how to control it. Also, I discussed the problem with my friend. But didn't get a satisfying solution. Don't know what to do. Going further with this time is bad but the upcoming time will be good.

10:30

Want to text the person but controlled me and didn't do it. Discussed it with my brother but as usual, got angry. Discussed this with a friend who gave a suggestion that doesn't discuss the topic ill only get hurt. Said 99% chance is there the person might react goodly but a 1% chance with hurting me only. I said I know that ill get hurt but can ignore this much more proportion. So will talk in a way that m gonna talk nonsense what do you say? Thus not asking for a favour from them. The person will then make it count to me. I know the person is wonderful but due to the not good nature, might say something unpleasant. Also got a text from my python tutor for coming to class. Thus came to visit him. He is busy with two students in the class. So I will have to wait for some time. Firstly he gave me the time 10:30 am to come at but I didn't confirm but then I called him before that will it be comfortable if I come. He said yes but I understand that he cannot ignore the student for me. But what I am going through the solution will be after talking with that person only. Got a text from the brother he is sorry but this is every time. He will get angry and then will say sorry. I understand that he also might be going through some problems but he will speak it out easily.