12 April 2021: Career

 08:39

Yes, I agree that I did not pay attention to what I want to do after the 10th and 12th. All credit goes to my parents especially my mom. I am so thankful to both of them for what I am today. But now today they are making me count it by saying that what if you wanted to do youtube why did we paid the tuition fees and everything. I know that it is very wrong of me that I am not able to perform currently in my studies. I am trying my best to perform. Also, the very problem is staying every time because I cannot discuss it with anyone and cannot get any solution related to it. I know that I am not able to perform today. But I am quite confident that I will do great in my life. I am trying my best to change it. But still, I do am giving an excuse like this is not the time, time will come, etc. I want to become a true influencer. I mean like people bring their problems to me and I solve them very practical. So for that, I need to start from anywhere. But I am not able to start it from anywhere due to my parent's condition and thinking about what they must be thinking.

08:57

I had breakfast. The environment was not much good. Mom is still angry related to my study. Dad is also angry about it. But how do I make them understand that I don't want to do any of these things? I am badly struggling with a problem so I want to do something that makes me busy in it so that I can forget every other thing and only focus on one thing.

11:53

I don't exactly know what my problem is? I mean like I have the best parents I could have. They are very supportive, only if they understand me a little bit more it would be best. But they are also struggling with their duties and responsibilities which I could understand. Now I am a grown man of 24 years who need to decide what I have to do! Also, I just need to complete my masters by writing 3 reports and submitting them. Then the parents have agreed to let me do what I want to do. But I am also not sure that what I want to do. Also, the attachment problem is sticking with me forever. Because attachment with the third person outside the family has hurt me only whether it is relatives or friends. But I understand that they have their life and responsibilities. Why I go mad over them? Why I can't be happy with myself. I am a very happy person from the inside whatever the situation might be. But keeping in mind the situation I have to act likewise. So I have to pretend to be sad or unhappy sometimes when I have done something wrong. I know that I do have done it wrong which I try my best to do it right but it won't happen immediately.

12:15

Honestly, I don't want to read the article or work on my coursework. But I had to for passing the masters. I have to pretend for reading it. I don't know when the bad phase will get over and I can get a happy life. I know that I do have quite well life, but still, it hurts and it goes badly.

12:21

I am physically fit and fine. I was watching this vlog of Flying Beast in which he is struggling much with physical pain. I am a very sensitive and empathetic person that I can feel the pain and get a little bit of dizziness whenever something like this happens. Thank you, God, for keeping me safe and fit and fine.

19:34

I have finally messaged the person and the person is busy in their life. Yes, I have given more importance to it. But I cannot undo it. My parents haven't taught me to contact any person in good time. Yes, the person has told me that she is not intentionally doing anything. The person has their own priority, but for some time the person has given me importance which I could not forget easily and move on to find another person.