Mental Breakdown

 12:30

Yesterday was so tough as I had my big mental breakdown. I was so much fed up with controlling my mind that I gave up and burst out in front of my mother and my brother. I don't know why but my mind constantly makes me think of my sister who doesn't care anymore about me. I easily get attached to an outsider and gets hurt on daily basis. In it, there is half of them and half is not as they have been practical which is totally fine but as of an emotional relationship is very wrong. I don't know why I keep thinking of them every moment of my life and hurting myself for them not calling me or not talking with me. Everyone has their privacy and so do they so why can I just accept the reality and move on with my life setting my priority and working on it. Why do I keep thinking of them every moment and hurting and wasting my life? Mostly it got so much in the head about them without any reason. 

13:11

I want to achieve a better in terms of firstly spiritually and then luxurious. I want a better life. I don't know. I have good family and freidns but there is no one around who could understand me like I will understand anyone. Hope I get that person very soon. Because I have got so much tired controlling my mind by force. It hurts me everytime whenever I think about my sister. There was a time when she was contacting me on the daily basis but now she uses excuses of priority. I mean like I understand that duties comes first regarding the family but earlier she use to take out some time for me but now she purposely cannot take out time. I just need to accept that and move on. But I am stuck on it saying that she will call. I tried many times talking with her losing my self respect everytime. She would say that she is busy and all. Yes she might be genuinely busy but all I wanted is a call for some time now and then. I understand that daily is difficult but she use to but now she don't. All I am saying is after a day, or two or three or a week or atlast a month she cant take out some time for talking with me. I have been with her when she use to frustrate out. I even have called her when she was having a mental breakdown. I also cried with her during that time but she doesn't values anything. There was a period where she use to claim that my mom has declined me of talking with her but I still have talk with her kind of going against my mom with whom I share a special bond of sharing many things since a long time.